growth

I realize I'm not taking very good care of myself. I am going to try to give up alcohol for a few days and focus on drinking water instead. My bad habits are catching up to me. I don't tolerate liquor that well these days. I stopped drinking liquor to drink beer. Stopped beer to drink wine, now I'm stopping all together for a few days. I'm thinking I may be in the beginning stages of a bladder infection due to dehydration, that's how I know I quite possibly have gone to far.
     I am trying to see things through different eyes. There is so much negativity within me that I want to do what I can to turn some of those dark thoughts into positive ones. I have experienced so much pain and heartache. I want to try to locate the good in those memories so that I can hold on to some of them. I am trying to roll with the feelings, acknowledge them and move on to something better. All the poison is not gone. Can't skip any steps in the healing process. I think that most people not experience the emotion and fast track to being healed, okay, whole again. Deep pain is usually experienced over a length of time, and therefore so also must the healing process be experienced over a length of time. There is so much that I feel is out of my grasp, most of it is things I'm not sure if I want, if I can have or deal with. Either way I have to experience life, and in those moments, while I move on...I learn what I need. I have some emotional voids that I need to deal with. Right now I am damaged goods. I would love to be in a place where I could nurture a relationship, but right now I need to invest in myself.
To be continued: