Made it home from bible study with a lot on my mind. I really want to shift my focus. I'm so tired of getting disappointed by people, by life. This is the only one I get, so I better make the most of it. So what I don't have a life partner...I still have a life. No more waiting, begging, convincing some man or person to see my worth. I have to know it and be confident in it first. I have been blessed with so much. Yet I spend my days and nights being consumed by thoughts of another man who's only concern is probably what I can add to his life as opposed to what he can add to mine. I think I have the right attitude at far as relationships go, but maybe not all the tools. I've spent a large part of my life dedicated to a man that didn't even value my existence. Is that what I want for myself? Definetly not! I am a prize to be won because God says so. I am too be loved, and cared for. My needs are met daily by a wonderful, loving Lord and saviour that only wants a relationship with me. Yet I give outstanding arguments like I'm Johnnie Cochran of how wonderful and loving I am. How much I care and so on. I'm beautiful, and soft and loving and wonderful because God created me, and her does not make junk. So to those who let me slip through their fingers because they felt I was too easy, or needy, or whatever I say it's their loss. No more benefit of the doubt. No more making excuses, no more taking crap. I'm done. Maybe I SHOULD be a little mean. I've been through enough. I'm not signing up for another round of some man's bull s*it. That's it, it's over. After an emotional release like this...I think a.pair of shoes is in order!
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