Why beat it mode...

I....have been tossing...and turning...for the last two hours. So I figured why fight anymore. Dag nabbit I'm up okay! You win this round Insomnia, this round. I find myself a little bit troubled. I know I am still a work in progress, so do I even have a right to "want" anything? I am speaking of qualities in a companion. I've done some pretty heavy soul searching. I've weighed my "packaging" (qualities) against the "competition" (women in general). I found a lot that left me feeling displeased. Lately I have been doing minute things to improve my quality of life. Like the whole sewing thing, the lady projects around the house, cooking i've always enjoyed, I'm learning to be a more patient, more involved mother to my children. SO...When it comes to thinking about what type of companion I might want, I'm not sure where or if my desires ever changed. I try to hang on to the notion that God knows what needs I have. I'm not sure If I tap into the whole thought that there is one person for everyone. I think that at the right time, he choses someone to complete the triangle. Marriage takes work. You have got to break wills, hearts, thoughts, barriers, etc in order to make the two one. Back to what I'd like, a kind sensitive man. I dont believe sensitivity takes away from stregth. I want someone who's soft when it comes to me. He would love me deeply. Like the scripture says, "Christ loved the church". I want to feel protected and provided for. I want a safe place to feel vulnerable. I want someone who is interested in bringing out my inner beauty, who finds value in the less superficial things of this world. I like nice things, I like nice places, I REALLY LIKE SHOES!!! lol, but I care for the little sentimentle things. Romance is important. Not just saying roses and candy, I mean walking on the beach holding hands, long drives, eye contact, lingering kisses, a never-ending series of small meaningful moments. Except for the physical parts, I'm sure I can get that from the Lord. But what women doesnt want strong arms to hold her tight and loving eyes to consume her. I started reading my bible again tonight. I cant keep asking God to reveal Himself fo me and not read His word....to be continued.