Breakdown

I promise I love my kids, but sometimes I just really need a break. I get into a bad head space where I begin to neglect certain things because I can, therefore creating more chaos in my life. Take for instance, the children have not seen their father in a little over a month, maybe longer...I stopped keeping track. In that time frame he has called them maybe 3 times but has called and text me close to 200 times. Cause I can not neglect my children, I tend to neglect other things like bills, school work, appointments etc. I really need some me time. AWAY from my children. I have fantasies of having a night away to myself in a room with nothing but silence. Forgive me if I sound like i am complaining. I am pissed at myself for making such a bad choice of father for my kids. He wants to control me, his lack of power over my life and emotions are making him do and say things that hurt me. The only weapons I have are prayer and ignoring him. Which is what I will do. It's bringing me down man. I WILL get through this though. It will not always be like this.