Love

Got most of what I set out to do today done. Did the lawn work, totally cleaned out my car. It's a blessing to have one, so I'm going to take better care of it. If like to take the kids out tomorrow, we shall see how it goes. I was feeling pretty good for a while, but now I'm a bit down. Earlier I was thinking about a friend....acquaintance of mine. Mostly thinking of his smile and his eyes. I thought for a minute and then shook it off. Yesterday during prayer meeting I prayed for the man God is preparing for me. I prayed that he is learning to lean on God and when we meet, I hope that our hearts know that the waiting is over. Watching a movie tonight, I saw a familiar scene. Husband and wife in bed, wife is distracted, husband reaches out for intimacy, wife turns him down. I lived that for many years. And when I watched that scene I said NEVER AGAIN! I can't share my bed with a man I cannot connect with. I don't ever want to have my husband reach for me and I can't give myself to that moment of intimacy. I really need some work, some healing. I have given my body but have yet to experience giving my heart, my trust. Not have I been able to receive the heart ourt trust of a man. I am experiencing slowly the love of God, and I hope that though Him one day I can experience love on another level. Right now there is to much fear in me. I will heal, I will love again. I will for once experience oneness the way God created it. Deep thinking tonight. Be blessed!